I wonder if everyone really is addicted to something. I don’t know. Addiction is a subjective experience. It’s not what you think it is and it’s not how it’s portrayed anywhere I’ve ever seen. Addiction goes beyond substance abuse or binge eating 10,000 calories. Addiction is like a personality disorder. Sometimes I know it’s there and sometimes I don’t know. Someone with addiction could stay away from their drug of choice for years and years and never be happy. Those programs that tell you otherwise are lying or at best wildly exaggerating.

Those drugs are a sort of solution we pick up to relieve us of our insatiable desire for a more substantial life. It must be a lack of gratitude or a lack of acceptance. Something like that. That’s what they say anyway. But I’m not sure. I know it’s way easier to live with blissful, radical acceptance and gratitude but that can get soooo daunting can’t it? I mean? Isn’t the point of life to struggle? And if I’m just radically accepting everything around me, how am I supposed to thrash around and create chaos like a normal human should?

I’m so angry at addiction. Not because it takes lives, or it’s this terrible horrible creature that inhabits a person and turns them into a monster, but because of the horrible insatiable desire for disarray that exists in its absence.